


Behind Those Eyes

by Britt_pknapp



Series: It's in the Eyes [2]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, But Like Before it's More Like Acceptance of Death, But There Were Chitauri and Loki Did the Thing, Captain America Steve Rogers, Captain America Steve Rogers/Modern Bucky Barnes, Considering This is an AU, Light Mentions of Past Verbal Abuse, M/M, Modern Bucky Barnes, Post Avengers Movie, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Suicidal Thoughts, i mean kinda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-07
Updated: 2019-11-07
Packaged: 2021-01-24 13:29:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21339010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Britt_pknapp/pseuds/Britt_pknapp
Summary: Gods and aliens. Honestly, of all the new things he'd encounter in the future, he never would have expected gods or aliens, let alone the two together. Steve stood on the street, surrounded by alien bodies as the invasion ceased, and the sky lightened drastically. Steve didn't wait for medical, he immediately ran for the tower, fitting the comm unit in his ear connected to the comm that he'd given Bucky's friend Sam Wilson, for such occasions."Sam, please tell me Bucky is okay," Steve said as soon as the connection went live. He'd been on the ground, leading the charge there, but he'd wanted to run for the tower, for Bucky, the whole time.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: It's in the Eyes [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1543723
Comments: 10
Kudos: 271





	Behind Those Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> See end for tag related notes.
> 
> This is not beta'ed, so all mistakes are my own.

Gods and aliens. Honestly, of all the new things he'd encounter in the future, he never would have expected gods or aliens, let alone the two together. Steve stood on the street, surrounded by alien bodies as the invasion ceased, and the sky lightened drastically. Steve didn't wait for medical, he immediately ran for the tower, fitting the comm unit in his ear connected to the comm that he'd given Bucky's friend Sam Wilson, for such occasions.

"Sam, please tell me Bucky is okay," Steve said as soon as the connection went live. He'd been on the ground, leading the charge there, but he'd wanted to run for the tower, for Bucky, the whole time.

"Yeah Cap," Sam replied, voice a bit tinny through the comm. "He's okay, he's been working pretty much the whole time. Stopped once to pace by the window, saying something about you and your dick and what he was going to do to both of you if you died."

Steve chuckled, getting in the elevator. That sounded exactly like Bucky. Most of Bucky's threats revolved around Steve's dick. And nine times out of ten, the threat wasn't even a real threat. Just what Bucky intended on doing to him. Steve hadn't complained yet. "You chuckle now," Sam was saying, cutting through Steve's thoughts. "But his threats weren't his usual brand. There was removal involved man. And I think something about needing to make a cast of it. Do I actually want to know what you two get up to?"

"Nothing too crazy Sam," Steve replied, dusting off his uniform as he neared Bucky's floor. "But you would probably like me to skip the specifics on his favourite things." Favourite things that Steve and Bucky had discovered together, considering Steve had been Bucky's first time with another man. He refused to acknowledge the almost feral pleasure Steve got out of knowing that Bucky was  _ his  _ and no other man could claim otherwise.

Before Sam could reply by comm, Steve was knocking at Bucky's lab door. The door opened, revealing Sam's face creased with the distaste of likely picturing Steve and Bucky's sex life. He nodded behind him to where Bucky was hunched over his work station, headphones sitting squarely over his ears. "He said aliens were stupid and loud and how was he supposed to focus on 'arc reactor tech' when all he could hear was your 'stupid frisbee' clanging off aliens," Sam informed him as Steve stepped into the lab. Sam stares at his uniform for a moment, but thankfully opted not to comment on it. Steve knew it looked a bit odd, it was definitely a throwback (a word Tony had used to describe it). And Steve would have preferred the uniform from the war that he and Howard had designed, but Agent Coulson designed it for him (God rest his soul), so Steve hadn't wanted to ask for his old uniform. At least, not without seeing if Bucky wanted to help. "That's Bucky-Speak for he was really worried about you."

"I know," Steve murmured, his expression softening when Bucky bounced his hips to the beat of whatever was playing through his headphones. "I wanted to be up here with him more than anything. But they needed me on the ground. Thank you Sam, for staying with him."

"Anytime man," Sam assured him, patting Steve's shoulder. "He's my brother, and you aren't too bad for an old-school white dude." Steve snorted as Sam made his exit. That was high praise coming from Sam Wilson, he knew it.

Steve moved in behind Bucky, fitting his larger frame behind his soulmate's. Bucky startled briefly, before he recognised the warmth from Steve's body, and large spread of his hand as it rested on Bucky's hip. Steve gently removes the headphones from Bucky's ears and pressed a soft kiss to Bucky's temple. "Hey Buck," he whispered, pressing his lips against the shell of Bucky's ear. "Glad you're safe doll."

Bucky instantly relaxed into Steve. "I was so worried about you Stevie," he murmured, twisting in Steve's arms to face him. "I know you have to save the world and all, but is it bad to be a little upset that you couldn't be here with me?"

Steve shook his head and kisses Bucky softly. "It's not bad," he assured him, tucking a lock of soft brown hair behind Bucky's ear. "I don't want you hurt, but we could, I could find a comm that syncs with mine, so you can keep in touch? And you could help design me a new uniform, I'd like something a little less, brightly coloured."

Bucky glanced down and snickered. "Babe, don't know how to tell you this, but you're wearing a utility belt, and a front zipper," his soulmate said with a cheeky grin. And god, if that wasn't one of Steve's favourite things about Bucky. He could tease Steve for just about anything. "I do like the vintage vibe though. And you look good in blue."

"Can't wait to see what you can make for me Buck," Steve murmured, kissing Bucky slowly. "Maybe something with some kind of gizmo that you make."

Steve grinned at Bucky's immediate and indignant squawk. No matter how many times Bucky explained things to him, he fully planned on calling Bucky's inventions 'gizmos'. The put-upon expression on Bucky's face was well worth it every time.

"Just for that  _ Captain _ I hope you like crop tops and booty shorts," Bucky shot back after he composed himself. "I'm thinking a Lara Croft aesthetic, but sticking to your colour scheme."

Steve laughed, kissing Bucky's cheek. "I'll wear whatever you design for me baby," he promised, lifting Bucky in one fluid motion. The smaller man's legs immediately wrapped around Steve's waist. "But I should tell you. I don't know who Lara Croft is."

Bucky sighed, dropping his forehead to Steve's chest. "Stevie, you know how long you've been out of the ice for?" His soulmate asked, voice muffled by the Kevlar and nomex of Steve's uniform. Steve shook his head, it was nearly a year, but he knew Bucky. Bucky liked specifics. "288 days, Steve. 288 days and you still haven't played any of the games on your list. And I know you haven't seen Lord of the Rings yet. Because I haven't made you watch them with me."

"That's not entirely true doll," Steve assures him, running his fingers through Bucky's dark hair. "You know, Sam comes over on his days off and last time, he and I played one of those games, with the yellow guy with the dots."

Bucky snorted a laugh into Steve's chest before tilting his head up to look at him. "It's Pac-Man, Stevie, the yellow guy with the dots is Pac-Man," he informed him, trying to look stern. But Steve knew Bucky well enough to recognise the mischievous glint in his soulmate's light blue eyes. "And since when does Sam come in on his days off?"

"Since probably when he started," Steve said with a shrug. Bucky snorted, fingers fidgeting with the zipper at Steve's collar. "He comes in because he's worried about you. Used to work on his days off, but he's started working out with me and then we hangout."

"That fucker," Bucky muttered, pulling the zipper down to Steve's belt. "Disappointing, do you always wear a shirt underneath the suit?" Steve nodded his head, closing his eyes as Bucky ran his fingers down Steve's chest. "Extra disappointing."

Steve just smiled, bringing his lips to Bucky's in a slow kiss. He began to walk from the room, Bucky's legs still wrapped around his waist. "That's still so hot," Bucky murmured between kisses, hands resting flat against Steve's chest. "Love that you can just carry me like it's nothing."

"That's all it takes for you baby?" Steve asked, nosing against Bucky's neck. "Suppose that's good for me then, because I can do–"

"Captain Rogers," Jarvis' voice interrupted. Steve sighed, curling his fingers around Bucky's thighs to keep his soulmate upright. Bucky whined, and Steve smirked, knowing full well his soulmate would deny the noise if Steve asked about it. "Mr. Stark has invited the Avengers out for Shawarma. He says you have to be there, but you may bring Dr. Barnes with you."

Steve looked at Bucky. "What'd you think Buck? You want to go for dinner with the Avengers?" He asked, tickling the bottom of Bucky's thigh gently.

Bucky laughed, squirming in Steve's arms. "Stop it, don't tickle me," the other man said through his laughter. "I could eat. Besides, if I decide I need a different, strong blond man, I'd like to make sure I already have Thor's number."

Steve growled out a protective noise, sinking his teeth into the skin at the base of Bucky's neck, relishing in the gasp Bucky let out. "My soulmate," he reminded, running his tongue over the reddened skin. "'M not sharing you, jerk."

"Yeah, yeah punk," Bucky replied. "Don't want any other big, dumb blond superhero. I have high standards." Steve made a noise of protest. He wasn't dumb, at least not by normal person standards. "And if we're going to get dinner, you should just carry me. Since I'm already here."

"As you wish," Steve murmured with a smirk, carrying Bucky to the elevator.

"I'm still regretting putting Princess Bride on your watch list," Bucky said, smiling down at Steve from his perch. "But I do love when you have more modern quotes for me. No offence, but when you hit me with that 30s pop culture, Stevie, I have no idea what you're referencing."

Steve laughed softly. "You've seen most of the movies I quote from," he murmured, pressing his lips to Bucky's for a few scant seconds. He pulled back, chuckling as Bucky tried to follow. "Don't pretend you haven't."

"I hate you so much sometimes," Bucky muttered, jabbing a finger into Steve's chest. "Hate you so, so much."

"I'll bet you do," Steve said with a grin, bracing Bucky against the elevator wall. "You have to zip me back up Buck."

Bucky sighed, reaching towards the zipper slowly. "Why? Don't want the team to think you were getting debauched by your soulmate?" Steve just gave Bucky a pointed look, waiting for the other man to zip the uniform back up to his collarbone. "Next time, we go with full on sex hair, and if I have to, I'll even wear those lacy panties that I know you like."

"Jesus, Bucky," Steve muttered, leaning his forehead against Bucky's shoulder. "Don't say things like that when we're going out for shawarma with the team. This uniform doesn't hide much."

"I know it doesn't," Bucky replied, his steel blue eyes sparkling. Steve knew that look. He both loved and hated at look. It was Bucky's "trouble" look, and it usually preceded Bucky doing something he knew that he shouldn't. As the case was now, when Bucky's hand slid down Steve's abdomen. "Don't think you should have to hide."

Steve jolted when Bucky's hand cupped Steve through the Kevlar pants of his uniform. "Buck, Bucky, you gotta," he stammered, pressing Bucky further into the wall of the elevator. "Wait Buck, later, I promise we can later."

"I'll hold you to that Captain," Bucky all but purred, squeezing Steve's cock gently before sliding his hand back up Steve's chest. The elevator doors slid open, and Steve pulled Bucky off the wall, carrying him to the garage where Steve kept his bike.

Bucky yawned in Steve's arms, his head finding Steve's shoulder as they walked. Steve couldn't stop his frown, his fingers tangling into Bucky's hair. "Buck, when did you sleep last?"

Bucky hummed softly, snuggling into Steve. "When did I last come to your suite? Cause I don't think I've slept since you  _ helped _ me sleep," the brunette man mumbled, sounding tired. For all that Bucky liked finites and exacts, he was terrible with his sleep schedule.

"Bucky," Steve sighed, pressing a kiss to the top of Bucky's head. He settled Bucky on the back of the motorcycle and got on to start the engine. "It's been four days since then. You haven't slept in four days. Baby, you've got to sleep more. You need your sleep."

"I try Stevie, I do," Bucky practically whined, voice barely carrying over the sound of the engine. It was only thanks to Steve's enhanced hearing and the fact that Bucky was right near his ear that he could hear him. "My head doesn't stop, the thoughts don't go away. Don't sleep, can't sleep, especially not without you."

Steve smiled softly. He liked feeling like he helped Bucky with something. "You know you can come by whenever," he reminded him, trying to keep his general reaction to a minimum when Bucky's arms wrapped around his waist for the ride. "Jarvis will let you in whenever you want."

With those words, Steve pulled them out of the garage, following the navigation of Jarvis in the comm unit he was still wearing.

Steve wanted nothing more than for Bucky to live with him, officially. But he was too nervous to ask. He wasn't sure how he'd take it if Bucky said no. He just remembered what his ma used to say about soulmates and puzzle pieces. He was pretty sure that he and Bucky found the way they fit, but what if the living together piece wasn't quite there yet?

Yeah yeah," Bucky murmured, nuzzling against Steve's neck. Steve felt, more than heard his words under the roar of the motorcycle as Steve navigated them around debris leftover from the battle. "I just get carried away working. You know this." And Steve did. There were more occasions where he brought Bucky dinner, only to find out that Bucky hadn't even eaten since the last time Steve brought him food.

Simply put, Steve worried about his soulmate.

"I do know," Steve said, sliding his hand down to squeeze Bucky's hand gently before returning to the bike. He loved riding with Bucky, loved the warmth of a soulmate he never thought he'd have. He loved Bucky, so much. He just needed to find the right moment to tell his soulmate that. "I'll come by more, get you to take more naps."

Pulling the bike into what may not have actually been a parking spot, but was now, Steve smiled over where Natasha was waiting out front for them. "Come on Buck," Steve said, grabbing the helmet from Bucky's head and helping him off the bike. "You're gonna have to walk in yourself. I'm not carrying you into a restaurant."

"No fun," Bucky muttered, ruffling his hair and rolling into a stretch. Steve smiled, shutting off the engine before following Bucky towards Natasha. "Hey Black Widow! It's nice to meet you officially, I'm–"

"Dr. James Buchanan Barnes," Natasha interrupted, giving them both her trademark bored expression. "Captain America's soulmate, who's only avoided a complete media feeding frenzy due to a propensity of almost never being outside Stark Tower. Besides, we've met."

"But when we met you were–"

"Undercover, yes," Natasha interrupted again.

"And went by–"

"Natalie Rushman, yes."

"Nice to meet the real you then," Bucky finished, his lips pulling into a smile. "And I beg your pardon, but I leave sometimes. I get coffee from across the street at least twice a day. Usually more like three or four times a day."

"Coffee that's usually retrieved by Cap or your friend, Sam Wilson," she returned, without a moment's hesitation. "Everyone's waiting for you." With that, Natasha turned on her heel and went into the small restaurant.

"Is the real her always that friendly?" Bucky asked, raising an eyebrow apprehensively. Steve nodded, leading him into the restaurant.

"Hey, sorry took so long," Steve said, smiling at the team. The main players were here. Natasha and Clint, Tony and Bruce, and Thor. "Avengers, this is my soulmate, Bucky Barnes. Bucky, this is Clint, Natasha, Bruce, and Thor. You obviously know Tony."

"'Sup boss," Bucky said, giving Tony a mock salute. Tony just raised his hand in a small wave. "Nice to meet you all, hopefully you'll keep this big guy here safe for me."

"Of course soulmate of Steven," Thor said, grinning broadly at Steve and Bucky. "We shall do whatever it takes to return him to you in one piece."

"Yeah, me too," Bucky replied, taking one of the empty seats. "I've got to get to work on a new outfit for him though. I want to make sure he's protected."

"No," Tony butted in, staring Bucky down. Steve frowned, taking the seat next to Bucky and draping his arm around the other man's shoulders.

"I already said he could do my next uniform Stark," Steve interjected, feeling the need to stand up for Bucky. "It's not your decision to make."

"He's telling me no to making you an Iron Captain America suit," Bucky said with a laugh, pressing a kiss to Steve's cheek. "We've been working together for a few years Stevie. He knows my bad ideas before I say them. Works in reverse sometimes too."

Steve was not pouting, not officially. Maybe he was a little jealous that Tony Stark knew so much more about his soulmate than Steve did. He had to remind himself that Bucky has been working for Stark Industries for nearly seven years, directly with Tony Stark for almost four. Stark was bound to know more about Bucky, in a professional capacity.

Tony Stark would never know how Bucky's body reacted to the right touch. And if he did, Steve would probably go crazy and kill him. He'd apologise to Howard's spirit after the fact, of course, but Bucky was his.

And Steve Rogers had never been one to share.

Things quieted down when their food was ready, everyone settling around the small table, Bucky settles himself in Steve's lap to "save space Stevie, Thor's wearing armour and a cape for Christ's sake." They were certainly an interesting group, seven people crowded around a table that was probably only meant to seat four.

They ate quietly, nobody really having much to say. Natasha and Clint seemed to be having a silent conversation, and Steve couldn't stop himself from running his fingers along the inside of Bucky's thigh under the table.

"Well," Tony said, interrupting the quiet for the first time in about fifteen minutes. "This is awkward. I got it, Avengers party in the Avengers Tower!"

Everyone stared at Tony. "Where did you hide a whole tower?" Steve asked, confusion colouring every feature of his face. He knew the New York skyline, had drawn it enough times. He'd have noticed a new tower being built.

"I'm renaming the Stark Tower, obviously," Tony continued, as if annoyed by Steve's confusion. "Avengers only party, it's going to be crazy. Thor's got some of that Asgardian booze for you Capscicle."

"I'm not going," Steve told him, tightening his grip on Bucky's thigh slightly. He used to be concerned about his strength, afraid that he'd hurt Bucky if he so much as used even a little of that strength. It wasn't that Bucky was small, not really. He was only an inch or so shorter than Steve, but he was lean, wiry next to Steve's bulk. He'd been pleasantly surprised when it turned out that Bucky  _ liked  _ his strength, _ liked  _ feeling overpowered by Steve. Made things so much easier

"Hmm? What? Course you are," Tony said, easily dismissing Steve, almost as if he hadn't actually spoken. "It's an Avengers party, you're an Avenger, it's like a requirement that you're there."

"I'm not going, because I'm planning on spending time with Bucky tonight," Steve interjected again. The rest of the table had averted their gazes to the table, awkwardly avoiding this confrontation. Except for Thor, who'd wandered off to help the elderly woman with whatever odd jobs he could, presumably in exchange for more shawarma. "He's not an Avenger, so he's not invited, so I'm not going."

Tony actually stopped, seeming to listen, because he squinted from Steve to Bucky. "Fine, he can come, he's like an Avenger-in-law, close enough," Tony declared, dismissing the two of them again.

"I could be an Avenger if I wanted to be," Bucky said, his dimpled chin jutting our defiantly. Steve couldn't help but love when Bucky got like this. He didn't take shit from anyone, unless he let them.

"Sure you could Barnes, except you don't have superpowers, so guess that means you're out," Tony replied with a shrug. The man turned himself towards Bruce, opening his mouth to continue speaking.

"Like you have superpowers," Bucky snapped, and Steve soothes his hand along Bucky's side. Steve had known Bucky long enough to know the other man was gearing up for a fight.

"No, but I'm a genius, now, Avenger-in-law, hush please, the adults are talking," Tony said, dismissing Bucky so completely. Steve winced, expecting Bucky to raise his voice, get to his feet, and shout at Tony Stark.

He was surprised when Bucky's face only crumpled and he got up, practically sprinted from the restaurant. Steve stood too, shooting Tony the sternest look he could muster. "What is wrong with you?" Steve said, venom dripping in his voice, before he turned to follow Bucky out into the city.

* * *

Bucky knew it was stupid to run away like that. He knew he wasn't exactly hiding either. He'd ducked into an alley, and it wouldn't take long for Steve to catch up to him.

It was just stupid, old insecurities resurfacing. He knew Tony Stark was mostly harmless. He also knew that Stark was well aware that Bucky was intelligent. He'd even admitted on more than one occasion that Bucky was more intelligent than Tony had been when he was Bucky's age. But it just, reminded him of his dad.

He'd grown up with his dad being utterly disappointed in who Bucky was. For one thing, Bucky had been doomed to a life of being single, with no soul eye, how could he hope to find anyone to love him? George Barnes had been more disappointed than anyone that Bucky didn't have a soulmate. The second thing was the fact that Bucky wanted to be in the chess club and the science club, instead of on the football team. George had hated that Bucky was a nerd, not a jock like George had been.

Bucky had grown up with his dad always criticising him, constantly belittling Bucky's inventions and ideas. Sometimes, when people did the same now (especially with people he respected, like Tony), he flashed back, remembered feeling small and stupid and unworthy of attention.

That's something that being with Steve was starting to help with. Steve listened every time Bucky went on about his work, his ideas. Bucky knew that Steve didn't understand half of it. He still had a hard time with modern technology. Bucky helped where he could, but a lot of it would just take Steve time. But his soulmate very obviously didn't understand Bucky's work, complex and technical engineering was a lot different than Steve's art. Yet, Steve always listened intently, asked questions, genuinely seemed interested in what Bucky had to say.

"Hey Buck," Steve's voice cut through Bucky's thoughts, warm hands cupping Bucky's face. "I'm sorry baby. Are you okay?"

Bucky nodded, turning his face into Steve's palm. "'M fine Stevie," he murmured, voice muffled by the broad spread of Steve's palm. "Just old memories and wounds…"

Steve's lips touched Bucky's temple softly. He wouldn't push, he never had and he probably never would. Bucky would tell him eventually, but his dad passed away five years ago, and Bucky didn't like to dwell on it when he could. "'M sorry Stevie…"

Steve's arms moved, wrapping around Bucky and pulling him into his chest. Bucky went willingly, taking what comfort he could from Steve's embrace. "You don't have anything to be sorry for doll," his soulmate said, voice soft and comforting. Bucky fit himself into Steve, his body falling perfectly into the grooves of Steve. That was one of Bucky's favourite things, the way he and Steve just  _ fit  _ together physically, mentally and emotionally too.

"'M not special though," Bucky muttered. He never wanted to leave the safety of Steve's arms. He didn't deserve them. But he didn't want to leave them. "No superpowers, not that smart, just Bucky…. You deserve a better soulmate…"

Steve's arms tightened, and for a fleeting moment, Bucky was afraid that Steve would agree, and fling Bucky aside like yesterday's paper. But Steve simply tilted Bucky's chin up. "Baby, have I ever told you the story about how I reacted when I first realised my soul eye had colour?" Steve asked, stroking Bucky's cheek with his thumb.

Bucky shook his head, smiling softly as Steve pressed a kiss to his forehead. "Will you let me take you back to my place Buck?" Steve asked, fingers sliding into Bucky's hair. "I'll make you some tea and we can cuddle on the couch while I tell you the story."

"Yeah, yeah okay…." Bucky replied, leaning into Steve's touch as his soulmate ran his fingers through his hair softly. 

The pair moved back to where Steve has parked his motorcycle, and Bucky gave a weak protest as Steve placed his helmet on Bucky's head. For all that the two rode together frequently enough, Steve never seemed to have the forethought to get a second helmet for Bucky. But rather just insisting that Bucky wear his. 'I'm a super soldier, Buck,' Steve had said. 'If either of us need the helmet, it's you. I have to protect you.'

Bucky only protested from time to time now, to make sure Steve was aware he didn't like that Steve wasn't wearing a helmet. For all the good it did him. But hey, it would work eventually.

The two made their way to Steve's floor in companionable silence, arms around each other's waist. Bucky liked that, that he and Steve could take quiet comfort in each other. Bucky's experience, limited as it was, consisted of just a couple drunken hook-ups after he turned eighteen. Girls who thought the contact Bucky had was a match for their soul eye, and then seeking comfort when it turned out that he wasn't their soulmate. Silence then had been awkward, stilted, leaving Bucky's skin tingling and fingers itching for something  _ more _ .

He had his  _ more _ now. Steve was more than Bucky could have ever hoped for. He never once thought he'd have anyone, and to find his soulmate, after twenty-six years of being the butt of all cosmic jokes.

Steve immediately went to the kitchen, clanging about making tea while Bucky settled himself on the couch. He grabbed the overly plush blanket he'd convinced Steve to buy back when they'd first discovered the fact that they were soulmates. For all that Bucky slept irregularly, he loved soft, fluffy blankets. He even kept one in his lab. Sometimes, he'd work bundled up in a blanket.

Steve came in, set a pair of mugs on the coffee table and took the seat next to Bucky. Bucky wasted no time snuggling into Steve, cocooning the bigger man in the plush blanket with him. He dropped his head onto Steve's shoulder, the warmth radiating off the super soldier's body.

"I want to start by telling you that it wasn't easy when I was growing up," Steve began, curling an arm around Bucky's shoulders. "I know you know part of it. Not having a soulmate in a world that centres around them, it's hard." Bucky nodded. Yeah, he knew that better than anyone other than Steve could.

Steve pressed a soft kiss to Bucky's lips before leaning forward to hand Bucky the mug of tea. "The other part, well, I wasn't always, like this, you know," Steve sighed softly, shifting a bit. Bucky dropped a hand to his knee, giving it a soft squeeze to reassure him. "I was small, skinny, and I was sick, all the time. One of the earliest memories I have, is being sick, my ma trying to take care of me, and just, telling her that it was okay that I was sick. Because God would take me to my soulmate.

"I didn't have the best relationship with life," Steve continued, wincing a bit. "It wasn't that I didn't like being alive, trust me, I wanted to be alive. But whenever I was sick, and it became another illness that I might not survive, I was never sad about that. My ma always told me that God was keeping my soulmate safe until it was time to meet them." 

Steve paused, wiping quickly at his cheeks. Bucky frowned, reaching up to touch Steve's cheek, helping to wipe away the tears that were staining them. Steve gave him a watery smile and pressed a soft kiss to Bucky's fingers. "I know she said that when I was feeling down about my soulmate, but it got into every facet of my life," Steve said, continuing after he composed himself. "Hell, if it wasn't for that, I never would have volunteered for Erskine's program. So in a way, it did bring me to my soulmate. But my reasonings back then weren't the best."

"How so?" Bucky asked softly, sipping his tea before deciding it was too hot to drink still. He leaned forward and set the mug back next to Steve's before curling back into Steve, fitting himself into his frame with ease.

"Figured there were two outcomes," Steve said with a shrug, blue eyes trained at a spot beyond Bucky's face. "One, it works and I get to help people. Two, it doesn't and I get to finally meet my soulmate." 

Steve paused, letting it sink in. Bucky wanted to cry. Steve was so casual about his own death. It scared him. "No baby, don't cry," the blond crooned softly, wiping tears from Bucky's cheeks. Okay, so maybe he was crying. Still, it scared him, to hear Steve talk this way. "Like I said, I wanted to live, I did. I wanted so badly to help people and to make a difference. But when the alternative would have led me to my soulmate, I wasn't scared by the possibilities."

Steve leaned in, kissing Bucky's cheek softly. "I'm so happy it went the first way Buck," Steve murmured. "Never would have been here with you otherwise."

Bucky nodded, nosing into Steve's shoulder. "I'm okay, you can keep going, just, scares me a bit, hearing you talk like that," he whispered, voices muffled by Steve's shirt.

"Alright baby," Steve said softly, running his fingers through Bucky's hair. "It's kind of a common theme in this story. But I want you to know, that the last thing I want to do now is leave you." Steve paused, waiting for Bucky to nod before he continued. "It's what made being Captain America so easy back then. I had nothing to lose. I'd lost my ma already, never had a soulmate, it was easy to give everything I had to every mission. The last thing I thought before going under, was how I'd finally get to meet my soulmate."

Bucky nodded, shifting to stretch his legs across Steve's lap. "Pretty much the first thing I thought when I woke up too," the blond told him, large hand resting on Bucky's thigh. "I wondered where my soulmate was. Had a brief moment where I was convinced I'd gone to Hell and my soulmate was in Heaven, wondering what happened to me." Steve shook his head slightly, a faint smile on his lips. "But Buck, after I met Nick Fury, and he bundled me into his car, I saw my reflection in his car door, saw my eye had colour, I couldn't believe it. I used the car mirror to look at it better, accidentally ripped the mirror from the side of the car I was so excited."

Bucky snorted a laugh. He could see that. Steve, in his earnest way of doing things, accidentally pulling a side mirror from one of Fury's shiny black SUVs like an eager puppy. "Don't laugh at me," Steve chastised, squeezing Bucky's thigh, as though that were some kind of punishment. "Rode the whole way to the tower with that mirror. Staring at the most beautiful iris I'd ever seen. This pretty, pretty blue, pale and silvery. And then, then I got the tower, heard commotion, and went to see what was happening. You have no idea how surprised I was to see the same silvery-blue eyes in the man being wrongfully arrested."

Bucky knew he was blushing now. He knew this part of the story, kind of. He knew his side of it. He'd never heard Steve's side. "Pretty much the most confusing thing considering the man whose eye I was so sure I had seemed to have already found his soulmate," Steve told him, moving his hand from Bucky's thigh to tip his chin up. "You already had matching eyes, and I didn't know how it was possible to find my soulmate, but to find that you already had a different soulmate." Steve's thumb rubbed beneath Bucky's eye softly. "Should have known it wasn't your real eye colour. Your real eyes are so beautiful. The contact did nothing for you Buck."

"Got me what I needed it to be," Bucky said with a slight shrug. "Got people to stop giving me the tragic look of 'oh that poor bastard ain't got a soulmate'. Always hated that. Now I'm pretty sure I'd get 'oh that lucky bastard, he's got Steve Rogers for a soulmate.'"

Steve laughed softly, pulling Bucky in for a slow kiss. "Fairly certain they're saying 'oh that's Steve Rogers' soulmate, he's far too good for Steve Rogers.'" Bucky laughed softly, smacking Steve's ridiculously sculpted chest. "Alright alright. How about 'look at those two soulmates, how wonderful that they finally have someone after so long.'"

"I like that," Bucky agreed, smiling.

"I like you," Steve replied, no hesitation in his smile. "Now, I think you're supposed to be getting some sleep baby."

Bucky pouted. "Carry me?" He asked, giving Steve his best pout. Could anyone really blame him? Steve was strong enough to carry him one-handed, and Bucky was going to take advantage of that.

Steve rolled his eyes fondly, lifting Bucky into his arms and he started moving towards his bedroom. "Stevie?" Bucky asked, head resting back on Steve's shoulder. The blond hummed softly, acknowledging Bucky. "Do you still have the side mirror?"

Bucky could feel Steve's face heat. "I might," the blond said, carefully laying Bucky onto the bed. "If you sleep well, maybe I'll show you."

"Okay, stay with me?" Bucky asked, making grabby hands towards Steve. The other man nodded, letting Bucky grasp him and pull him down next to him. Steve's chest quickly became Bucky's pillow, and his long fingers carded through Bucky's hair softly. It was lulling, dragging Bucky into the sleep he'd been severely lacking. "Night Stevie."

"Goodnight Buck," Steve whispered, lips pressing a soft kiss to Bucky's temple as he fell asleep quickly.

* * *

Steve woke a few hours later to an empty bed. He frowned, fingers grazing the cool sheets. He checked the time, and hoped that Bucky had gotten at least an hour of sleep. Steve got up, stretching his sleep-stiff muscles, and started immediately for Bucky's lab. Bucky was nothing if not predictable. He had three places he really went, his lab, Steve's suite, and the gym. Steve wasn't even sure Bucky went back to his apartment anymore. One day, clothes just started showing up in Steve's closet.

Steve had just let it happen.

Now though, Bucky slept two hours, at most, thirty minutes at worst. It wasn't enough. Steve pushed at the lab's door, but found the door stuck closed. "Jarvis, let me in, please," Steve asked the AI, staring at the little screen.

"Dr. Barnes has requested no entry at this time," Jarvis replied, screen flashing red as if to give Steve the visual of the door being closed. He sighed. This wasn't the first time he'd gotten this message.

"Can you ask about me please? Tell him it's Steve," the blond asked, pressing a hand against the door. Usually, this method worked. Bucky put the entry bar up usually to keep curious interns out of his space when he was trying to focus. Typically it didn't extend to Steve.

"I'm sorry Captain Rogers," Jarvis said after a moment. "Dr. Barnes has denied your entry." Steve sighed, dropping his forehead against the door. This had only happened once before, at least that Steve had witnessed. The last time was bad. Bucky hadn't come out for an entire week. He'd emerged looking dazed, confused, and gaunt.

Like hell was Steve going to sit idly by while Bucky worked himself into the ground again. "Thanks Jarvis," he muttered, walking down the hall a bit to pull out the StarkPhone Bucky had customised for him. Supposedly it was more durable than a standard StarkPhone. Steve had no idea. He knew how to call and text, and that was it. Sometimes, he managed the camera, but not always. Bucky promised the next one he made that Steve would be able to draw with. He wasn't sure that was possible, but he was curious to see.

He pulled up his contacts and dialled Clint. It rang twice before the other man picked up. "'Sup Cap, whatcha need?" The archer said, sounding slightly short of breath.

"If you aren't busy, I could use a favour," Steve replied, glancing back at Bucky's lab. "You can get into the vents at the tower right?"

"Can I get into the vents? Can  _ I  _ get into the vents?" Clint asked, sounding incredulous. "Are you ridiculously old-fashioned with a soulmate with a really cute ass?" 

Steve growled out a sigh. "Yes, but don't let me catch you looking," he warned, threat mostly empty. "I need to get into his lab. He shut the door and won't let me in. Last time was bad Clint, I'm not letting him do this to himself again. I don't fit in the vents."

"Damn right you don't," Clint said, and Steve could hear the grin. "I'm two floors up at the gym. I'll be right down." The phone beeped in Steve's ear, indicating that Clint ended the call.

Steve tucked the phone back into his pocket, leaning against the wall to wait. It didn't take long for Clint to appear, still flushed from exertion. "Alright, breaking into a lab? Stark's gonna be pissed," the man said, glancing at the vent.

"Yeah, well, I'm fairly certain he's responsible for this particular incident, so he can go fuck himself," Steve said, barely masking the sneer. It wasn't appropriate to the team atmosphere. He didn't dislike Tony, not really, but sometimes Tony didn't have a filter. And this time, his lack of filter had hurt Bucky, and yeah, he was upset. "Just, get in there, and open the door for me please."

"On it Cap," Clint said, disappearing into the vent quickly. Steve just had to wait. Bucky would probably be upset with him for this, but last time, Bucky looked half-dead. Steve couldn't bare to see that again.

"Captain Rogers," Jarvis interrupted Steve's thoughts. "Dr. Barnes has asked you to bring your shield into his lab." Steve frowned, but if it got him into Bucky's lab, he'd do it.

Steve jogged to the elevator, heading straight for his suite to retrieve his shield. The sooner he got in to see Bucky, the better chance he had at getting him to actually sleep tonight.

"I have it," Steve told the screen next to the door as soon as he got back to Bucky's lab. He'd just, wave Clint off and buy him a coffee tomorrow as thanks.

Pushing the door open, Steve took in the lab. It was in disarray. Bits of crumpled paper, scraps of metal, and paper coffee cups littered the floor. Bucky was hunched over his workstation, completely focused on whatever he was working on. 

"Hey Cap, next time, warn me that he's been training with you?" Clint's voice drew Steve's attention to the corner, near the vent. The archer was zip-tied to a table by his right hand, waving to Steve with his left. "Bit embarrassing actually. Trained assassin, taken down in less than a minute by an engineer without a fun robot suit."

Steve gave him a shrug. He'd find something to get Clint out in a bit. Bucky was his main concern. "Buck, you okay doll?" Steve asked gently, smiling when he got Bucky's attention. The man looked over his shoulder, giving Steve a tired smile. But he nodded before turning back to his station.

"Watch this Stevie," Bucky said, turning to face Steve with a strap system attached to his left arm. The man tapped something on the system, and Steve felt the shield in his hand wobble. "No, no. Stronger." Bucky fiddled again, and then tapped the same place. The shield tore free of Steve's hand and snapped into place on Bucky's arm.

The man staggered a bit and Steve was there in a heartbeat. "Are you okay? What did you make Buck?" Steve asked, fingers brushing into Bucky's soft hair as the brunette beamed up at Steve.

"A gizmo," he said with a smirk. "It's inspired by Thor's hammer. Vibranium super magnet. Super magnet, not super magic like Thor's hammer, but hitting this button should recall the shield to you if you lose it." Bucky looked so proud of himself. "Well, your shield and any other vibranium in the area, but seeing as it's the rarest substance on the planet, that's unlikely to come up often. I might adjust it later, to key it specifically to your shield. It won't work through walls or anything, but still."

Steve smiled, gently removing the shield and straps from Bucky's arm. "Let me try?" Steve asked, and Bucky nodded, helping Steve slide the straps over his forearm. "Show me how to work it baby."

"This is cute and all, but I'm still zip-tied over here," Clint called, trying to get their attention. "Losing feeling in my right hand."

Steve and Bucky just ignored him for now. They were having their moment. Bucky explained how to use the wrist sheath, picking up Steve's shield and walking across the room with it. 

The brunette grabbed some scissors on the way, leaning over to snip the zip-tie holding Clint prisoner. "There you go, sorry about the zip-tie thing," Bucky apologised. "Steve owes you a coffee." Clint glanced towards Steve and the blond just shrugged. He probably did for the favour anyway. Clint nodded, and disappeared out of the lab with a wave.

"So, just, put my finger here, and then shield?" Steve asked, already going through the motion. He rested his finger on what Bucky explained was a security measure only allowing Steve to recall his shield. Two seconds later, the shield spun out of Bucky's hand and fit itself on Steve's arm.

Steve startled only slightly at the metallic clink, staring from the shield to Bucky's beaming face. "How long did you spend on this Buck?" Steve asked, pulling the shield off the sheath only to grin when it snapped right back into place.

"Conceptually? Maybe thirty minutes? Took a while to get the idea together, I'll admit," Bucky said with a casual shrug. Steve bit back a chuckle. Thirty minutes to come up with the concept was amazing to him. "Then it went through the physical stage, and I'll admit, that took almost two hours, lots of trial and error." Bucky gestured at the crumpled paper littering the floor. "Had to call in a favour to a friend. T'Challa's little sister is apparently a prodigy and knows more about vibranium than anyone. Really hurt the pride a bit being schooled by a ten-year-old, managed to keep  _ some  _ pride by knowing more overall. But hey, she's gonna be a powerhouse someday, I'll put money on that–"

"Hey, Buck," Steve murmured, moving closer to put his hand on Bucky's shoulder. "You're exhaustion babbling doll. You should be sleeping."

"Hmm? No, can't sleep, I was just about to start on the uniform part," Bucky replied, turning away from Steve back to his work station. The table did the projection thing that Bucky called 'holo', displaying a sleek, blue uniform. "Need your measurements, the exact ones. It'll fit right down the creases behind your elbows."

"Can't it wait for tomorrow Buck? Come to bed with me baby," Steve said, moving towards Bucky again. He brushed his fingers up Bucky's spine softly, moving in closer to press a kiss against his soulmate's shoulder.

"No," Bucky said, grabbing a tablet and turning in Steve's arms to face him. "Now stand there and let me measure you Stevie. The sooner I get this the sooner we can be done." Steve sighed, but stood back and followed Bucky's instructions as the brunette took his measurements with the tablet. He had no idea how that actually worked, but Bucky seemed pleased with it.

"How the hell did I land a soulmate with this perfect Dorito-shape proportion thing going on?" Bucky muttered under his breath. Steve moved in behind him again, wrapping his arms around Bucky's waist, and hooking his chin over the other man's shoulder.

"Because you're the smartest, most beautiful man I've ever met," Steve murmured, kissing Bucky's jaw softly. "And I'm cheating. I'm a super soldier, remember?"

Bucky snorted softly, flicking things around on the holo projection. "Like I could forget," he replied, eyes trained on his work. "I'm literally designing a superhero costume for you. And when I'm finished, you're doing the thing where you hold me with one arm. You know I like that."

Steve felt his cheek heat. They'd figured that one out on accident, really. Steve had been holding Bucky while they'd been kissing (something Bucky had never been shy about telling Steve that he liked), when he'd gotten a call on what he referred to his Emergency Phone. Instead of putting Bucky down, Steve just shifted his weight to one hand and answered the phone with the other. It was a bit of a relief it wasn't a real emergency. Steve was about forty minutes late to that briefing.

"Wall or no wall?" Steve asked, pushing his hand beneath the hem of Bucky's shirt to caress the soft skin of his stomach. 

"No wall, to start, maybe wall after," Bucky murmured, humming softly against Steve's gentle touches. "Do you like it Stevie? It's dark, just a little red, you just, you look really nice in blue."

Steve turned his attention to the display, actually looking at the design fully. It was sleek, honestly. Dark blue almost everywhere, a simple star and stripe design around the chest. The only red Steve could see was a small section near his hips. Steve actually really liked it. It was simple, but beautiful and functional.

"It's amazing Bucky, how did you have time to design this and make the shield sheath?" Steve asked, sliding his fingers just under the waistband of Bucky's pants.

"Telling Jarvis what to put on it while I was sketching out ideas for your sheath," Bucky explained, shivering a bit as Steve's hands wandered a bit lower. "It's why it took so long to figure out the practical application of a magnetic wrist sheath. Splitting focus isn't always the best for me. But when I've got more than one idea up in my head, I have to."

Steve pressed a kiss to the column of Bucky's throat. "Are you almost done baby? Come to bed with me," he murmured, trying to distract Bucky so Steve could actually help him sleep.

"Almost done Stevie," Bucky promised. "I wasn't going to make it myself literally, but I want to finish the design to send it to manufacturing so they can start building it. Just needs a little something… ah! Got it! Tracker in the star, no one would be able to use that but me. I want to be able to find you if something happens. Could be a way to communicate with me if you need to."

"You want to put a tracker on me?" Steve frowned a bit, thinking of how bad that might be if an enemy found out about it. He didn't mind Bucky knowing where he was, but with gods and aliens being a thing he apparently deals with now, he didn't know what would be possible. "Is that safe?"

Bucky nodded, swiping away the design to pull up some kind of technical specification for what Steve figures was the tracker. "It's encrypted, heavily so. It's an old project, so I'd update it, but I even had Tony try to hack it and he couldn't. Was mad at me for a week, but it was worth it," the other man told him, giving the design a smug smile that Steve just knew he'd worn for the entire week Tony was mad at him for. "So yeah, perfectly safe, they'd need the codes to get into it, and to get those, they'd need me. I'm almost always here, so I might be the safest person on the planet, as far as enemies go."

Steve nodded, kissing Bucky's temple. "Whatever you think it needs Buck," he told him, pulling Bucky back closer to him. "Are you ready to come to bed with me baby?"

"One arm, no wall?" Bucky asked, head tilting slightly in quiet invitation. Steve took it, sliding his lips against Bucky's pulse. "Please?" Steve chuckled softly, sucking softly at Bucky's skin.

"Yeah, one arm, no wall," he agreed, turning Bucky in his arms to lift the smaller man into his arms. "Two arms to get there though. Don't want to drop you."

Steve would do anything for Bucky. Absolutely anything.

* * *

After, Steve had Bucky tucked against his chest, Bucky's cheek pressing against Steve's shoulder. Steve nuzzled against Bucky's sweat-damp hair. Bucky hummed softly, nearly asleep already. 

"Love you Bucky," Steve murmured into the soft, brunette strands. "Love you so much."

"Mmm," Bucky hummed, his head tilting up to blink sleepily at Steve. "Love you too Stevie. Love my best guy."

Steve couldn't help the giddy grin that crossed his face. He kissed Bucky slowly, running his fingers through Bucky's hair. "My beautiful soulmate," he whispered, kissing Bucky once more. "You can sleep Buck. I'll be here when you wake up. I love you."

Bucky nodded, tucking his head back under Steve's chin, and falling asleep quickly. Steve laid there for a moment, fingers combing through Bucky's hair softly. He grabbed the book on the nightstand, settling into reading until Bucky woke in a few hours. As much as Bucky needed more sleep, he didn't usually sleep all night anyway.

Predictably, after four hours, Bucky woke with a soft yawn, nuzzling against Steve's neck. "'Morning Stevie," he murmured, voice sleep-soft and breath warm against Steve's skin.

"Still the middle of the night Buck," Steve replied, giving Bucky's hair a gentle ruffle. "But good morning baby. I love you."

"That happened for real?" Bucky asked, lips brushing against Steve's neck as he talked. "Thought that was a dream… love you too Stevie. Kinda more than I thought I could, you know?"

Steve nodded. He did know. Without a soulmate of his own until he woke from the ice a year ago, he didn't think he could love anyone as much as he loved Bucky. He figured he was doomed to a life of crushes and clandestine meetings. 

"Bucky, move in with me," Steve blurted, blushing profusely. He wasn't planning to ask like this. He figured he'd do a nice dinner, do some cheesy, romantic thing, like give Bucky a key, even though he didn't actually have one. But not Steve. Nope. He had to blurt it out hours after finally telling Bucky that he loved him.

"But," Bucky began, sitting up to look at Steve with a little crease between his eyebrows. "What about my apartment? I have stuff there…"

"Stark will give us another room if we need more space," Steve told him, trying to smooth Bucky's worry from his face with his thumb. "And baby, you're almost never in your apartment. You're either working all night, or you're already staying with me. Move in with me. You know I love having you here. You can redo any of the rooms you want to."

"I, but, what about, why," Bucky rambled, half finishing questions. "Yeah, okay. I'll move in with you. But you have to do all the heavy lifting. If I do much as chip a nail, you'll never hear the end of it."

Steve laughed, rolling Bucky over to pin him beneath Steve's bulk. "As you wish," he murmured before kissing Bucky slowly.

Steve wasn't sure he'd ever been this happy. Not even when he found out he had a soulmate, and rivalling when he found out his soulmate was Bucky Barnes.

One week later, they'd officially moved Bucky in. Most trips involved Steve carrying as much stuff as he could with Bucky clinging to his back like a monkey. Steve didn't mind one bit. He was floating. He had everything he could have asked for. 

Now he just had to figure out what the ring should look like so he could propose.

**Author's Note:**

> Tag Note (Past Verbal Abuse): Bucky has a brief moment where he looks back to his father verbally abusing him. The mentions are light, and in non-explicit detail, resulting in some brief insecurities and general poor self-esteem.
> 
> Tag Note (Suicidal Thoughts): Like before, this tag relates to Steve's acceptance of death as it was something he figured would happen sooner rather than later. Bucky gets a bit upset when he ehars Steve's past attitude, but Steve assures him that he never wanted to die, just was willing to accept it if it was his fate.
> 
> **Talk Stucky With Me:** [Discord Server](https://discord.gg/cSthmvB)


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